At what point does persistence become stupidity?
I’m done. I’m retiring. I can’t get a fucking callback for a fucking Toyota commercial! The game is rigged and I’m sick and tired of thinking that maybe THIS time it will fall on my side. Seriously.
Mom dies, I lose my job, I lose my house, I lose two major organs, Dad puts a bullet in his head. I mean, I look at that and think, “I should buy a lottery ticket! The odds are gonna be SICK when they finally fall in my favor!” And I can’t get arrested in this town.
Who the hell follows their dreams and has it pay off? I have to think it happens often enough for people to still consider doing it. But that old mantra of having something to fall back on is playing in my head. So now I’m done bitching and going to explore some other avenues of existence. I may take votes. I may not. But here are a few of what I like to think are viable alternatives.
1. COMMUNAL LIVING GOAT FARM IN MANZANITA
Before you go off on how much you hate the smell of patchouli, hear me out. This is going to be a grown-up commune. We will raise goats because I like goats and we need something to make cheese and they are heartier and more friendly than cows. We will run a coffee shop/piano bar that makes killer coffee drinks during the day and serves killer beer at night. The menu will change according to what is seasonal and fresh and hasn’t been eaten by the goats. My best friend of… wow… thirty years almost is a brilliant botanist, so we will have all kinds of veggies and herbs and stuff. I also am not above putting her in charge of baked goods. I am deadly with an espresso machine and deft at the tap, and I’m pretty sure my husband can dust off his piano-playin’ knuckles, which should cover our livelihood and entertainment. Everybody gets their own living space, but there will be group meals and childcare because that’s just better. Personal hygiene will be mandated.
2. SHELTER FOR HOMELESS DOGS AND CHILDREN IN THE MOUNTAINS OR DESERT OR SOME OTHER REMOTE REGION
No, there’s a point to it. First, we train the kids to train dogs. Then we assign each kid a dog to train, groom, and find a home for. This accomplishes not only getting them off the streets, but gives them some viable socialization and work skills. “They” being either the dogs or the kids. You pick. I may harken back to the communal living idea and teach some of the other kids to grow and cook food for everybody so we can eat and they can go get jobs. It will be out in the middle of nowhere and I will be the only person armed. Discipline will be simple… No One Will Find Your Body, So Don’t Fuck Up. This idea appeals to my desire to make the world a better place, as well as idealistically assuming I would be surrounded by creatures who owe me their very existence and therefore would adore me. (However, I am a parent, so I understand how inherently flawed that logic turns out to be.)
3. FREAK
To be honest, I really would like to have a lot more visible tattoos. Also, I would really like to have white dreadlocks. Maybe a few more piercings. I figure if I spent a few months turning my body into the temple I really wished I inhabited, it would result in withdrawing from a segment of society. (You say “being ostracized”, I say “withdrawing”. Tomayto, tomato.) I could then live my dream of being the weird, alternative lifestyle sage. I would happily dance to tunes in my head as I served warm beer in dirty glasses at a local dive bar. Customers would return, waiting for pearls of wisdom to drop from my lips with flair, sass, and a shadow of God’s own Grace. I would set up a table on Venice Beach with a sign that says, “Free Listening. Five Minutes.” and see what kind of stories I hear. I would finally get that Free Hugs sandwich board and wear it downtown. I’m not exactly sure where I’d live, but something would work out.
4. PERPETUAL VACATION
I’d get a big, weird apartment somewhere warm and work, I dunno, maybe three months out of the year? Just enough to qualify for health insurance, but most of my time would be spent walking my dogs, attending 12-step meetings, playing with my kid and cooking. I’d have so much free time that I’d have to INVENT things to make me feel pressured and obligated. I wouldn’t know the difference between a weekday and a weekend day. I’d be so unaccustomed to how the Real World works that I’d dabble in all sorts of stuff I wouldn’t actually be able to do, but I’d merrily display my results in the most public way possible. I’d start writing a blog, stop to go have sex with my husband, then come back and finish it ALL DURING DAYLIGHT HOURS! I’d complain that I was tired when I got less than eight hours of sleep. I’d spend time only with people I really love, traveling often to see them. I’d probably stress about not having enough money, even though I always somehow have enough to be happy… HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!
I love it when my writing is therapeutic.
Aside from the perpetual vacation (man, that one sounds good, but who in the world lives like that–oh wait.), my vote is on the goat commune. Hell yeah, goats! Bonus, they’re not so stupid that they need human intervention to breed, like alpacas do!
Stick with that last one and ADD goats
Or – come stay with us
we have an awesome petting farm
All four sound more feasible than trying to do Anything in Los Angeles. Also. Oregon has better people, beer, air, food, coffee, water, TAP WATER you can drink. Manzanita is a great little town. Rockaway Beach and Pacific City are too. Just saying. Oregon would LOVE to have you back.
I was conceived in Rockaway. Fun fact!
I’ve had sex in Rockaway! Fun fact! ;P
I’d vote for Oregon. I’ve had a long time dream of opening up some little *something* (it changes over time) on the Oregon coast. And just *being*. I’ll join. I can bake bread. From scratch. Without recipes.
I see what you did there!
Move back to Portland!!!! Leverage & Grimm are filmIng plus we have a thriving theatre scene. With ur resume, I’m sure u’d get a job. Plus we have Extrasonly that is always putting people to work. Post your profile on model mayhem. I have a connection to a modeling agency. Fall back on your friends. We’ll hook you up!!!
I vote option #1. Especially if there are a few pygmy goats involved. They’re awesome.
I feel the same way; sometime I want to say “what the fuck I’m doing writing for who” is just a Thought but then I just figure it out that in someplace maybe is someone waiting for my writing. So when you said:
“Who the hell follows their dreams and has it pay off? I have to think it happens often enough for people to still consider doing it. But that old mantra of having something to fall back on is playing in my head. So now I’m done bitching and going to explore some other avenues of existence. I may take votes. I may not. But here are a few of what I like to think are viable alternatives”
Is the same thought I had when know one understand what you feel. I like to flight away to Los Angeles, Canada Vancouver, or in other place than in a negative place like here. Just help me God
They all sound kinda great!
these are all great, but you know what I see you doing? it’s sort of along the lines of the Freak option–tattooed and pierced to your hearts content with a little shop that sells t-shirts with witty and sarcastic sayings on them.
yup… on the beach…that’s all.
I got laid off 6 weeks ago and the same thought process is going on in my head. If you decide to go with the goat commune I’ll volunteer to cook!
You are so damn awesome, just saying.
I mean, the idea of Sheriff Jody selling Toyotas is so badass that it retroactively influenced me to buy my first Toyota last May. If Toyota’s too stupid to realize that, they are beyond hope.
If you had a goat commune I would beg to join. That sounds beyond awesome. The kids and dogs option is also an amazing idea. I caught a couple of episodes of a show about a woman who works with parolees and pit bulls in a similar way, and I knew if I watched it regularly, I’d be sobbing through every episode.
I love how your brainstorming came around to the appreciation of where you are, but you do have mad brainstorming skills. (And you know, I would like to see you on my teevee every now and again. I definitely want to see Jody.)
I love your blog.
Shoot me a line when you’re ready for the goat thing. I have six kids. Free labour.
Bahahaha… I love you so much. xD
You are awesome…wish more people could realize that as f-d up as our lives are sometimes, that they aren’t as bad as they could be. The Goat Commune idea has me very intrigued…let me know if you decide to go that route. The freak idea could work, but you give off a wholesome vibe (in the way I grew up hippie-ish people with witty senses of humor remind me of my mother) so I think you’ve got a way to go on that. However, if you go that route, post pictures of your transformation please!
Careful with those communes….Did you see “Martha Marcy May Marlene”? Just sayin’.
I love to read your writing! And I understand what you mean. I actually posted this on my facebook page two days ago “I wish I had a job I loved (I don’t HATE my job just don’t LOVE it). It is back to work tomorrow. I feel guilty to be so dissatisfied with my life. I know I am blessed but I am envious of so many other people who seem to have such great lives.” It is so easy to start thinking I am the only one with a “terrible” life but it makes me feel better to know I am not alone in those thoughts. It proves both that misery loves company and the grass is always greener. Keep the great writing coming & I vote for the last option
To be fair, I just don’t think you’re trying hard enough to get arrested. Plus, given the overcrowded prisons, a non-violent felony would have you out in months – not years.
Have you considered a career in defrauding the elderly, America’s largest growing demographic? DeVry can get you the skills you need in just under 6 months!
Those S.O.Bs from Supernatural need to ask Mills back Goddammit!
Hello Miss Kimberly,
You’ve been doing it so I thought I’d give it a try. Humm contemplate Kim Rhodes next step if she left the business of bringing the world joy and delight. A tough job this is.
Well first I thought of that incredible education you have and how it’s just lounging around inside of that big brain of yours. Hey you could be a teacher! That’s right a teacher molding the minds of all the kids that might enter your class room. Changing their future with your ageless and unique words of wisdom. And you haven’t been topless all over the internet, so that’s a plus going for you from the potential teacher view point. You are so totally possibly teaching material.
Then I thought oh wait she’s not going to want to be a teacher, that would be like selling out and working for the man. Not that there aren’t perks for working for the man, but that’s beside the point. What could she do? Obviously be a traveler with a renaissance festival. Excellent idea there Wade. (I thought it needed a compliment.) Miss Kim, Mr Man, and baby girl joining the traveling life. Miss Kim & Mr Man could be ogres at the festival telling dirty limericks to passer bys. Or Mr Man could become a blacksmith, and work with the horses, strong hardy manly man work. And Miss Kim could be one of the wrenches displaying her ample bosoms and of course telling dirty limericks. And maybe have impromptu broad sword fights, teaching the youngens just what can be done with sword in her capable hands. But what of baby girl? Well she could be dressed as a little mischievous sprite and play tricks on the visitors, that enter the fair. And probably do home school with the other traveling kids. Yeah it would be a great life.
I personally like you just like you are and wouldn’t want you to change. It might be nice to see you in movies and on TV more often. Then I could say, “Yep I typed to her before.” I hope you and your pretty family are having a fine weekend sweet lady. Wishing you many smiles
Hi Kim,
)
You and I seem remarkably similar in the way we deal with our “karmic disasters”. Humor, if I lose that, I’m dead in the water and might as well let the waves take me. Most of the time, humor and a little strength get me through but eery now and then, I get in that “fuck it, I gie up, what’s the point, they win” frame of mind…kind of how you sound in this blog right now. Here’s a link to a song that, once I listen to it a couple times, gets me back to my “screw them I’ll be damned if I’ll let them win” frame of mind. Might work the same for you. Before you snicker about it being a Bon Jovi song, please remember that even Dean Winchester knows that “Bon Jovi rocks….on occasion”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e9yHhB3F7s
ack, sorry, my v doesn’t work and I forgot to alt command a couple times lol